The Royale's Human Centipede cupcakes
The Schube: So I took a trip this weekend to The Royale, an indie retro grindhouse theatre in an old building in downtown Mesa, Ariz., and now I’m kicking myself for not having checked out this place sooner.
The 48 seats in the place were about three-quarters full for a showing of the horror fan’s litmus test/endurance challenge that is “The Human Centipede 2: The Full Sequence.”
While the movie did just what I expected – left me wanting to wash my eyes out with bleach – the Royale itself was like some kind of magical little portal that David Lynch might have filmed as a metaphor for heaven in one of his flicks.
A few highlights: Before the movie starts, about 10 minutes before showtime, they play trailers for old-school schlock films and grainy B-movies, along with 70s commercials for various retro candies and sodas (which is the main thing they serve at the concession stand). I was a bit worried because the sound was a bit muffled and only seemed to be coming from one or two of the speakers. But I thought, maybe they’re intentionally trying to recreate that old Alamo Drafthouse-style experience with this bit. Yep, bingo.
Then a dude who works there comes in and the house lights go up. He gives a welcoming little speech to get everyone in the mood, and tells us that there is to be absolutely no checking voicemails or texting during this flick. (No one did.) He goes, “Last night, a guy passed out because this movie was too much for him. If you’re squeamish, prepare to be squeamed. The bathrooms are located behind the screen, back that way. Please don’t vomit in the theatre. This is a historic building.” And strolls out cool as you please, like he just dropped the frickin’ mic.
Then movie starts right up. And it’s pristine, great 5.1 surround sound, full bass, 1080p digital projection, the whole bit. This is what a modern grindhouse cinema looks like: embracing all the sleazy, low-budget atmosphere of its roots, and using modern technology to make the experience even better.
Interestingly, between each grainy old 60s and 70s trailer (likely piped in via dvd or blu-ray through a projector), there’s that little box that pops up on screen where you can see that they’re switching back and forth between “HDMI,” “game,” “dvd,” etc., the exact same way Eijo and I have to do on our own home theatre systems when we show old trailers before movies. I couldn’t help but think: This is the 2011 equivalent of the old-school test pattern, the scratchy film reel’s 3-2-1 countdown screen, the little audio and visual pops and clicks we used to get from yesteryear’s Alama Drafthouse stuff.
This Saturday, The Royale is showing a new high-def transfer of Lucio Fulci’s “Zombie” on the big screen. I mean, who else is doing that? (And where else can you see a zombie fight a shark underwater?)
Bonus points for being located across the street from Evermore Nevermore, a curio shop that has everything from a limited edition artist’s print of a Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 poster to a huge steampunk section where local artists are selling their stuff on commission — including a real framed butterfly that someone has intricately turned into a little mechanical device where, if you crank it, the butterfly opens its wings.
I know this kind of stuff ain’t for everyone. But for those of us who embrace the gloriously weird and culturally subversive, you’ll find a lot to wrap your arms around here. Check it out when you can.
